Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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