Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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