I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
