Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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