I got chris browned last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
