I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
