He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
