I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize