i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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