i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
