I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
