I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
