ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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