i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
