Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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