I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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