Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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