She's JV to your varsity
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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