you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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