she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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