apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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