This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
