I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
