it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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