Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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