Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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