if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She bit a glass in half.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
