I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize