Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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