Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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