That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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