I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What a dumb baby whore.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh god it's open bar.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
