opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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