I wish I could teleport
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
