So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
