Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
