Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
be right there i have to get my cape
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
