Tell her she can't have a vagina
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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