i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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