Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
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Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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