I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
