Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
