So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
