Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
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Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.