He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
