I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.