Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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