i already hear my dad disowning me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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