I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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