Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
