the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
