She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
