New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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