At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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