Porn is love you can see.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
