Four minutes until I can fart!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
