so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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