I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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