PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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