The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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