It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
