we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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