I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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