you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Pants are for mortals
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
