i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
