so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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