Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your penis caused this!
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