Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
