im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Two words: blizzard sex
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
