I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
